Hi. I know it’s been a while since I wrote you a letter, but I hope my thank-you card found you well. (You remember the card I sent to express my great appreciation for the lovely clear skies during the lunar eclipse last week? And if you didn’t receive it yet, perhaps it is lost in the crush of holiday cards??)
In light of my general state of admiration of your efforts to make our lives possible and enjoyable here on Terra, I hope you will accept this wee complaint with the same grace you usually embody. Please believe that I am not trying to provoke you or insult you or incite a tsunami anywhere.
Also, I wanted to remind you that I live in north Florida (aka the Sunshine State), to which snowbirds from Canada migrate every winter, hoping to luxuriate in the mildness of our winters.
By this reminder, I am not suggesting that you are developing any kind of memory problems or senility or Alzheimer’s-related conditions. Nor do I mean to hint in any way that you might be confused or tired or in need of a vacation (although that last might be something you desire greatly, given how hard you work on our behalf).
That said, may I respectfully inquire how this happened in Gainesville-frakkin’-Florida this morning:
In case your eyes, dearest and most beloved source of climate and weather on this planet, can’t quite make it out, that’s snow falling. In Gainesville-frakkin’-Florida. This past morning.
Perhaps you meant for us to have the rare treat of a white Christmas? If so, you may want to check your calendar, because today was 26 December. And with only a couple of flurries making it to us, some here (some others, not me, as I would never want to
piss you off suggest that you are anything other than perfection itself) have said, “Too little, too late.”
With much love, now and always,
Toni (aka She Who Doesn’t Want to be Smote)
PS. I also apologize for that whole manmade-contribution-to-global-warming thing. I’m not a man, but I’m pretty sure I get lumped in with “man” in this instance, so, um, yeah. Sorry.